Nigerian gay returns to Grindr for the umpteenth time
Not once, and not twice this weekend, have I thought about jumping back on Grindr after not having used the app for about two months. The reason that I decided to walk away from those unproductive chatting grounds in the first place is multiple-fold.
Firstly, the pandemic lockdown season kicked in in March 2020 and that meant that if I didn't want to be one of those unfortunate statistics, I needed to keep my dick in my hands: pun intended. My stewpidness actually had a hook-up right after the government announced the lockdown and I spent a few weeks being anxious that I might have contracted the COVID-19 from my casual sex partner. Even though we used a condom, I spend a lot of time kissing his face. What a darling he was that the first thing he opted to do when he got into my apartment was washing his hands.
On another note, it started to dawn on me that my primary need for being on Grindr was not being met. I am still fairly new in this country after having only ever lived in Nigeria previously. My need to feel like I belong and part of a community is greater than ever. And what better way to feel at home in a place than when you have friends that you trust and you can call on for company when the loneliness starts to creep. Most people are on Grindr for transactional sex, but then, I know from experience that there is always that fraction of them (however insignificant) that are looking for something a little more engaging and intimate than sex.
Shortly before signing out of Grindr the last time (late March/Early April), I had been chatting with this guy for a few weeks with whom, even though I had good conversational chemistry, is not my type - physically. A few weeks in, he started to stir the conversation away from his daily life, work situations and recommending series I can watch on Netflix towards sex. I remember him talking about how he was training his hole with toys so he could be a better bottom and sending me some unsolicited nudes of himself.
Eventually, I think after he must have asked me some sexual questions about myself, I told him that I really just wanted to be friends with him. He had told me earlier that his two housemates are also queer, which I was excited about because for sure, such a 'big' gay family would be a great place to start my journey to integrate with the LGBT community in my beautiful and quiet new city. How wrong I was!
As soon as I revealed my intentions to him, he replied with "Pity", and that - dear beautiful reader - was the last message that was exchanged between me and my favourite Grindr quarantine chat buddy. I had thought he was different from all the other guys who were honest enough to say early in the conversation that "I have never been with a black guy before" 🙄🙄🙄. Of course, you haven't, the population of black people in your entire country of millions of people is not even up to a thousand. I'm the top 0.01%, bitches! 🔫🔫🔫
Shortly after giving up on Grindr (or maybe before), I invited my friend-with-benefits, Matty (who has been fairly reliable for the past couple of months) over. We had a great time together when he visited and after then, I started to realize that beyond sex, I like Matty as a person, even though my idealism had blinded me to this fact for some time. Hence, I decided that it was worth focusing on that one friend for some time and see where things might go between us if I paid a little more attention instead of keeping on my hunt for the perfect guy.
But yesterday, after I and Matty have been seeing each other once every two weeks for the past 6 weeks, a chat with him stoked an urge in me to diversify my human attention portfolio. On a Friday night, I had asked him when next he was coming to see me. His response was next weekend. Graciously, he went on to explain his weekend plans involving other people for every single day.
His message woke me up from my illusion that his life was pretty miserable and that I was one of the best things going on for him at this time in his life. It's not like I necessarily want to see him this weekend, nope. I have more activities than I have time to engage with, planned. Also, I'm not horny or in need of 'dick' as my straight friend back home in Nigeria had said last week in a chat after I told him that I was feeling lonely. However, this revelation about my dear Matty taught me that it was a rather silly decision for me to abandon my quest for human connection just because I feel like I already 'have' Matty.
While I have nothing against him for having other people in his life (part of whom for all I care, could be (an)other sex partner(s)), it would surely do me some good to also have other people to turn to for physical intimacy if Matty were to suddenly get knocked down by a bus. A man can't have too many Matties now, can he?
This is not the first time that I'm getting back on Grindr not long after swearing off of it, and it probably would not be the last. Perhaps, my on-and-off relationship with Grindr is here to stay and I am learning to accept this possibility. I only pray the gods to bless my hustle and help me find another Matty, or maybe even a few more Matties who will help me feel more at home in the new little European city which I now call home. And in good time too. While at it, my adorable rainbow gods, pray keep my dear Matty safe from every bloodsucking bus on the roads so he does not stop being there for me.
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PS: Thanks to YOU for reading. If you enjoyed this article, you can sign up to be the first to get future posts from this blog by using the Follow By Email section down below.
Firstly, the pandemic lockdown season kicked in in March 2020 and that meant that if I didn't want to be one of those unfortunate statistics, I needed to keep my dick in my hands: pun intended. My stewpidness actually had a hook-up right after the government announced the lockdown and I spent a few weeks being anxious that I might have contracted the COVID-19 from my casual sex partner. Even though we used a condom, I spend a lot of time kissing his face. What a darling he was that the first thing he opted to do when he got into my apartment was washing his hands.
On another note, it started to dawn on me that my primary need for being on Grindr was not being met. I am still fairly new in this country after having only ever lived in Nigeria previously. My need to feel like I belong and part of a community is greater than ever. And what better way to feel at home in a place than when you have friends that you trust and you can call on for company when the loneliness starts to creep. Most people are on Grindr for transactional sex, but then, I know from experience that there is always that fraction of them (however insignificant) that are looking for something a little more engaging and intimate than sex.
Shortly before signing out of Grindr the last time (late March/Early April), I had been chatting with this guy for a few weeks with whom, even though I had good conversational chemistry, is not my type - physically. A few weeks in, he started to stir the conversation away from his daily life, work situations and recommending series I can watch on Netflix towards sex. I remember him talking about how he was training his hole with toys so he could be a better bottom and sending me some unsolicited nudes of himself.
Eventually, I think after he must have asked me some sexual questions about myself, I told him that I really just wanted to be friends with him. He had told me earlier that his two housemates are also queer, which I was excited about because for sure, such a 'big' gay family would be a great place to start my journey to integrate with the LGBT community in my beautiful and quiet new city. How wrong I was!
As soon as I revealed my intentions to him, he replied with "Pity", and that - dear beautiful reader - was the last message that was exchanged between me and my favourite Grindr quarantine chat buddy. I had thought he was different from all the other guys who were honest enough to say early in the conversation that "I have never been with a black guy before" 🙄🙄🙄. Of course, you haven't, the population of black people in your entire country of millions of people is not even up to a thousand. I'm the top 0.01%, bitches! 🔫🔫🔫
Shortly after giving up on Grindr (or maybe before), I invited my friend-with-benefits, Matty (who has been fairly reliable for the past couple of months) over. We had a great time together when he visited and after then, I started to realize that beyond sex, I like Matty as a person, even though my idealism had blinded me to this fact for some time. Hence, I decided that it was worth focusing on that one friend for some time and see where things might go between us if I paid a little more attention instead of keeping on my hunt for the perfect guy.
But yesterday, after I and Matty have been seeing each other once every two weeks for the past 6 weeks, a chat with him stoked an urge in me to diversify my human attention portfolio. On a Friday night, I had asked him when next he was coming to see me. His response was next weekend. Graciously, he went on to explain his weekend plans involving other people for every single day.
His message woke me up from my illusion that his life was pretty miserable and that I was one of the best things going on for him at this time in his life. It's not like I necessarily want to see him this weekend, nope. I have more activities than I have time to engage with, planned. Also, I'm not horny or in need of 'dick' as my straight friend back home in Nigeria had said last week in a chat after I told him that I was feeling lonely. However, this revelation about my dear Matty taught me that it was a rather silly decision for me to abandon my quest for human connection just because I feel like I already 'have' Matty.
While I have nothing against him for having other people in his life (part of whom for all I care, could be (an)other sex partner(s)), it would surely do me some good to also have other people to turn to for physical intimacy if Matty were to suddenly get knocked down by a bus. A man can't have too many Matties now, can he?
This is not the first time that I'm getting back on Grindr not long after swearing off of it, and it probably would not be the last. Perhaps, my on-and-off relationship with Grindr is here to stay and I am learning to accept this possibility. I only pray the gods to bless my hustle and help me find another Matty, or maybe even a few more Matties who will help me feel more at home in the new little European city which I now call home. And in good time too. While at it, my adorable rainbow gods, pray keep my dear Matty safe from every bloodsucking bus on the roads so he does not stop being there for me.
----
PS: Thanks to YOU for reading. If you enjoyed this article, you can sign up to be the first to get future posts from this blog by using the Follow By Email section down below.
Wow, what an interesting read, I'm glad you met Matty. I was wondering if Matty was that cute white dude you uploaded his pictures on your WhatsApp status few weeks ago ? *Sips tea*
ReplyDeleteWhat are you talking about? You're anonymous and surely you don't know me! Also, this is my anonymous blog and none of my readers knows who I am in real life ��
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