Two weeks on Grindr

Two  Saturdays ago, after spending the better part of my day doing random stuff on the web, it occurred to me to do something about my barren love/sex life. A few weeks before then, I'd relayed my sorrows to Archie, my long term gay friend, in a chat. That was when I heard about the apps: Grindr and Manjam. I remember having seen Grindr featured in some Hollywood movie I watched earlier this year too. Anyway, I ended up downloading Grindr and Hornet, to my phone.

Below is a list of my experiences and opinions so far on the hookup applications (hope no one's peeking over my shoulders, I'm at the office):

Grindr is much more active than Hornet, which is probably an indication that it's more popular with guys around here.


Grindr is full of snubs and rude people. I can't help but feel like I should go read a book called "Grindr for Dummies", because most of the people I hit on never even reply. Well. I guess true love doesn't come any easy.


Only one certified real person met so far. This person's name on Grindr was I. Lakefa. We met a day after my first on Grindr - he initiated the chat. Before long, we had moved over to whatsapp. He was just different, more expressive than any other chat I'd had so far. I remember he'd approached me with a compliment. Perhaps, that did the trick. Before the end of the day, we'd agreed to meet by the next Saturday.

We chatted everyday leading up to the weekend. However, I discovered along the line that he was effeminate. My first instinct was to cut him short, but I decided to go on for two reasons:

• He has an amazing personality. There were several scenarios where he (I actually consciously decide to write he, not she; that voice) should have flared up, but instead, he showed an unfathomable degree of understanding and empathy. He's just 21, but he has a big heart <3. He would be my perfect guy, if only he were a bit more masculine. 

• If you asked me, I would not waste a second before affirming how I absolutely do not have a thing for effeminate guys. However, I must confess that over time, I've found myself being attracted to some guys who can be described as borderline effeminate.

However, I was really kinda scared. One, because I feared being overwhelmed with feelings of the perceptions of onlookers would ruin the whole moment for me. Also, I was scared that I would find that I did not like him, despite the fact that he was such a great person. Still, I decided to go on with the meet up.

Unfortunately though, the schedule for Saturday had to be changed up, due to him having to do some work. By afternoon, all my motivation to meet him had drained off and I eventually flaked out of meeting. How sad.  

Looks like I might need to get a tighter body to attract the best. This is an opinion, just from common sense. 99 percent of the time, the guys I even say hi to, either have a pretty nice face, or a smooth and toned body. And since I ain't planning on showing my face on a gay social network anytime soon.


Heartbreak by Charles. I met him on Monday of this week (my first weekday chat on Grindr). From pictures shared, he turned out to be pretty good looking and my type. Amazingly took, we planned a hookup for the next night. Unbelievable right?

Come Tuesday, all day long, I experienced a height of anticipation that I've not seen for years. It was strongly reminiscent of those midterm days back at school, when I could not just wait for classes to be over, so I can head home for the holidays. Alas, it was too good to be true. Dearly beloved Charles whatsapped me one hour to meet up time that he wasn't feeling to good and we had to cancelled.

The fact that I had had a mild premonition did not do anything to reduce the heartbreak I felt. Depression quickly settled upon me, and I strove to keep my soul afloat. I wanted so bad to lash out at him for doing this to me, but I knew better. Who lashes out at a sick person. I told him via chat how bad I felt about this anyway, and he assured me we were gonna see on Wednesday.

Wednesday, another day to be euphoric about came. However, having been disappointed once, I was not as anticipatory as I'd been the previous day. Alas, it happened again. He cancelled, and this time, it was worse in that he did not even bother to inform me until I called to confirm our appointment. Man, was I dejected? I felt like yelling out "Fuck you, asshole!" at him, but I just had to restrain myself for the chance that he had a real reason for making me feel so terrible. I ended up taking a more restrained approach to express my discontent at his behaviour, to which he responded with apathy.

Since I asked for an apology on Wednesday night, I've not heard a word from him. It's really tempting, due to nothing more than my loneliness, to reach out to him again before he responds. However, my ego is still awake enough to restrain me from getting that desperate. No amount of pleasure I've dreamed I might derive from meeting with him, is enough for me to come across as needy. I've done badly enough already by not deleting him from my phone-book, the first night he flaked out. A glimmer of hope, I choose to retain. Perhaps, he could be the one, despite all appearances that prove contrary.