Upward Spiral
I'm just so happy with my life these days. I'm glad that I have made conscious decisions and taken efforts to make myself a better person, to improve the quality of my life. Top on the list is my decision to quit PMO. Several times before, I had read testimonies from guys who say their confidence sky-rocketed after quitting masturbation to porn. But since my brain was too addicted to the dopamine of porn-induced orgasm, I just told myself that these guys were probably just bullshitting. Little did I know.
About six weeks ago though, for the following reasons, I decided to try it out, when after a PMO session, I happened upon some anti-PMO webpage. I took this plunge for the following reasons:
1. I know that denying yourself of pleasure, which is a form of discipline, makes you a stronger person overall. I also have this strong conviction that my mediocrity at being discipline in other areas of life stems from addiction to porn. Yes, I did not do it everyday, infact, just once a week. But I know I was addicted. There was absolutely no sign of a sex drive in me if there were no naked men in my screen. I was turned off to the wonderful ones that surround me everyday.
2. I've tried many times and failed. However, I've also read from many past addicts that the key to success is not giving up, no matter how many times you try. So, really, I just wanted to try one more time and see how far I could go.
Countdown to now, and I've been pretty successful at it. I've not gone out of my way to browse porn on the web. There's been a few sneak-peeks here and there on the web and on Grindr, but I was able to stop myself from going for the real thing. Prior to when I made this decision, the last time I didn't PMO was the three weeks of camp. I remember that it hardly ever occurred to me to do it, because:
About six weeks ago though, for the following reasons, I decided to try it out, when after a PMO session, I happened upon some anti-PMO webpage. I took this plunge for the following reasons:
1. I know that denying yourself of pleasure, which is a form of discipline, makes you a stronger person overall. I also have this strong conviction that my mediocrity at being discipline in other areas of life stems from addiction to porn. Yes, I did not do it everyday, infact, just once a week. But I know I was addicted. There was absolutely no sign of a sex drive in me if there were no naked men in my screen. I was turned off to the wonderful ones that surround me everyday.
2. I've tried many times and failed. However, I've also read from many past addicts that the key to success is not giving up, no matter how many times you try. So, really, I just wanted to try one more time and see how far I could go.
Countdown to now, and I've been pretty successful at it. I've not gone out of my way to browse porn on the web. There's been a few sneak-peeks here and there on the web and on Grindr, but I was able to stop myself from going for the real thing. Prior to when I made this decision, the last time I didn't PMO was the three weeks of camp. I remember that it hardly ever occurred to me to do it, because:
- Life was regimented;
- I had no personal space;
Now, I can boast that since the start of October (some date between 1st and 4th), I have not PMOed. Wow. I feel like a superstar, like seriously. Permit me to say though, that I have MOed, but not to porn of any kind; no graphic erotica, no literary erotica.
I QUIT COLD TURKEY AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER
Since quitting, my body has become an testosterone engine. The greatest benefits of quitting PMO for me so far are as follows:
1. My self esteem has sky-rocketed. Like seriously, I can look any freaking dude in the eyes and make my point nowadays. Also, I realize I don't take life too seriously any longer. I've simply become less worried and more at peace with myself. I don't give two fucks about anything any more. I'm like, on invisible weed or something like that.
2. I'm less of a broke ass. My internet porn addiction (for the few months up to when I made this decision) used to cost me at least, 4000 naira extra per month in data costs. In the worst periods, I was doing up to three 4.5GB data subscriptions within one month!!! However, the trend changed last month when my data plan (4.5GB) got exhausted, just one or two days before its validity period.
3. My libido is now genuinely on fire. A few mornings, I woke up and my little John was begging for some attention. Within one or two minutes of light stroking, the session was over. This was with no naked virtual guys in front of me; a feat that would have been impossible just a few weeks back. For the first time in like forever, I was able to get aroused by just my own imagination and fantasies. It was amazing, just freaking amazing!!!
I'd like to say some special thanks to Siri on Quora. Around the time when I made the decision to quit PMO, I stumbled upon her article which said to stop consuming free internet porn. She made a whole damn lot of sense about why her and her colleagues do not deserve the poor treatment we porn connoisseurs give them, by not paying for their work. She helped me see porn stars in a whole new light; to develop a lot more respect for the people who put their back to bed for the viewing pleasure of millions around the world. Thank you Siri, beauty queen. You don't know it, but you've been a major positive influence in my life. Your article helped in my mission, mainly because I won't stoop so low as to pay for porn, for my misery. I'd rather not watch than pay for porn.
Let's see how exciting this gets :-)
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Hey. Thanks for reading. Here's a space to tell me absolutely whatever you want to, especially if it's connected to your reading this article. Writing is hard and knowing that someone out there connects with what I write goes a long way to encourage future writing.