Mum loves me, but I love boys

I lied. I lied because I knew that was the only way mum and I were going to be able to go to bed at peace tonight.

She could see the happiness in my eyes, in my movements, in my actions. "You're excited tonight, I can see. Tell me, why are you so excited?", mum asked. A hint of sadness appeared in the cloud of excitement in my heart.

The tides had turned for me in such an unexpected way tonight. I had glimpsed this topless picture of Ifeanyi earlier in the day and got a chance to take it all in proper this evening. OMG! That guy is so hot, he reminds me of why it took me so many weeks to get over my infatuation with him in January. His lips, his chest. I just want to lay on his chest all day long with my lips sleeping within his. Of course, fantasies like this and the tinge of hope that I could have them realized are what pushed to me to send him an IM, which ended up getting me into my euphoric state.

Good enough, he responded. But better still, the chat was interesting. Interesting, as per, he's suggested that we should be able to see this week. Of course, I know he was probably teasing when he suggested that he'd come over from Thursday to Sunday. But man, believe me when I tell you that this shot my excitement level to cloud nine. Now, I know how foolish I am when I double think my sexuality. Like hell, have the thoughts of landing any girl got me anywhere near being this excited in the last 365 days?

Adding more icing to the cake though was the fact that out of the blue, Emma decided to IM me. Emma of all people IMed me, and you will not believe it, he said "I miss you o". You do not know how much I would like to believe that that proclamation is heart felt. How happy it would make me to know that Emma's "I miss you" to me carries as much weight as the one I IMed to Ifeanyi tonight. Alas, I have had one too many negative experiences with Emma that I now interpret any nice or warm expressions from him as potentially manipulative. "You're too wary", you may want to say to me. But it won't leave my memory in a hurry, how many times I've left a hangout with Emma feeling used; drained inside out.

More still, Emma proposed that we date, after I had accused him of relegating me to the friend zone. "Please, stop taunting me", I'd replied when he made the proposition. "I'm not", he had replied. That's still does not say I believe him though, even though, my subconscious is warmed up by the idea.

Now, isn't that more than enough stimulation to transform my evening from a hot and monotonous one to an euphoric one? I bet you agree with me that it is.

See why I lied? It would have been another gloomy night for mum. And I myself would probably have gone to bed gloomy, with all my euphoria displaced by mum's would-have-been words, pleas. "Flea your immoral habits, dear son", mum would have prayed to me while on her knees.

Knowing I could not dare share the source of my excitement, my brain quickly remembered I had another reason to be happy that was more presentable. My upcoming job offer. She already knew of that. So, I lied. It was just believable enough.

I think she suspected I might not be telling the entire truth. So, she asked if I'd discovered any new facts about the job offer. I said no. She smiled, and accepted. I saw it in her eyes, how she was happy that I was happy.

Love of a mother, truly knows no bounds. I pray to make you truly happy one day, mama. And I pray that as you wave goodbye to the earth, I am able to see in your eyes how proud you are of me and whatever life is mine by then. I love you mum. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I pray I find a man that loves me just that way, and that I love just as equally.