LONELY BLACK BOY

Not once, and not twice this weekend, have I thought about jumping back on Grindr after not having used the app for about two months. The reason that I decided to walk away from those unproductive chatting grounds in the first place is multiple-fold. Firstly, the pandemic lockdown season kicked in in March 2020 and that meant that if I didn't want to be one of those unfortunate statistics, I needed to keep my dick in my hands: pun intended. My stewpidness actually had a hook-up right after the government announced the lockdown and I spent a few weeks being anxious that I might have contracted the COVID-19 from my casual sex partner. Even though we used a condom, I spend a lot of time kissing his face. What a darling he was that the first thing he opted to do when he got into my apartment was washing his hands. On another note, it started to dawn on me that my primary need for being on Grindr was not being met. I am still fairly new in this country after having only ever lived ...

We had already been together that February Friday night for at least two hours. Since I'm not much of a drinker, I had asked Andy to pick the first spot for our TGIF night together. He had selected an Irish pub in the city centre where we each had had at least one pint of Guinness: a proudly Irish drink. Because I've got social anxiety, I always plan ahead for my meetings with people that I'm not yet familiar with. So one of those pre-meditated questions which was also one of the first that I asked Andy at the pub was: "Did you grow up eating a lot of Irish potatoes" ? Surprisingly, his answer was yes! Yes, actually I was surprised as I'd expected that he'd answer in the negative because I've encountered a lot of scenarios where stereotypes of a place end up being far from the reality. Hence, I'd actually imagined that the popularity of that food (Irish potatoes) might fall into that basket of outdated stereotypes. Photo by  Engin Akyurt  from ...

In many ways, I can describe myself as a minimalist. I'm acutely aware of the fact that more possessions inevitably means more responsibilities (maintenance/decision making). Recently, I've been thinking a lot about pulling back from the endless rat race and perhaps, repurpose my life around the experiences that I actually value versus constantly seeking to be more skilled in my chosen career line so I can earn more and get closer to the top. There's a lot of life to be enjoyed in-between bottom and top and my aim is to laser-focus on that instead of living a life whose primary aim is to get closer to the top. In that light, I thought it might be a meaningful exercise to do some introspection and come up with a list of the individual components I need to have a fulfilling life. Seems like a good first step towards designing a deliberate lifestyle where you're actually working towards a desired and clear vision of the future. Without that, I think I'll tend not to ...

Colonoscopy! Me?? How??? I'm 28; 28 on the dot; cos' it's my birthday today. Colonoscopy, however, is an examination that is only routinely advised for people that are 40 years or older. In essence, a lot of people would say I'm too young for a colonoscopy. Actually, that's what an older friend of mine said when I told him I'd be going for a colonoscopy the next day. The only reason this is here is to gross you out but yeah, the toilet bowl came close to being this red during that 1 week (Source:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hematochezia#/media/File:Bloody_stool-1.jpg ) Well, sometime in Feb/March 2019, I had a lot of blood coming out with my loose stool for almost a week. After all of the stool sample tests at the hospital lab came out negative for infection, the GP advised me to do a colonoscopy so he could make a diagnosis. By this time, my stool had become normal again though. No more foul smelling blood coming out the rear end. Meanwhile, I used ...

It's a rant. I didn't even proofread this. I just let it all out. Hope there is at least some coherence in there. Forgive any typos/incoherence. ---------- My period of exploring anal sex is over once again. To be honest, I think it might be so because I messed it up (pun intended) myself. Virtually all the times I bottomed, it was unplanned, random. Meaning that I didn't have time to prepare and then things more often than not got messy. Which inevitably has an effect on how I feel about the whole thing. It's hard not to feel some shame when at the end of a process, there's an overhanging smell of your own poop in the room. Switching places with any of my partners in any of those scenarios, I feel like I would be scarred and probably not try sex again with the person until we're sure everything would be clean the next time. You know, these experiences leave some questions in my head regarding my repeat sexual partners? Is it that the pleasure of the sex f...

Yesterday, I finally got up to doing something that I've been thinking about doing for, what, 3 weeks? I asked my colleague Adi (who I first met through Grindr four years ago but never met in person until last year at the office) out for a hangout. I'm always delighted to see him in the office - like bulb lights up in your head delighted - so I just thought it'd be nice to enjoy some of that feeling in my free weekend time. Photo by  Zun Zun  from  Pexels I've been thinking of doing this for at least the last two weeks. But I'm only just doing it now because I feel like it'd hurt if he says no. Besides that, I don't want him thinking that ulterior motives are my motivation for doing this. Granted, I probably won't be asking him out if he wasn't someone that I fancy. I'd love a chance to explore intimacy with him for sure if I get the chance. But being someone who declined back in 2015 when I tried to meet him in person - saying I'm not...

For the past two days, I've had my 64 square-foot room all to myself. It’s a new experience, well sort of. A guy on met on Grindr in February who I dated for a week and has accommodation problems has been staying with me for the last 7 weeks. I broke things off barely a week into it, not because that was my intention starting out but because I felt choked by his always being there. I've not seen myself lose attraction to anyone faster than I did with this person. It feels to me like I woke out of a trance. After we broke things off, I agreed to allow him keep staying with me since I had said 'yes' during the period of infatuation. Besides, I felt like I could tolerate the pain of sharing my personal space for some time, while fulfilling my commitment to being a kind person. Staying at my place is of great value to him because of how far his own house is from his place of work where he has to go to every day of the week. Two-to-three weeks into us staying together, I...