LONELY BLACK BOY

I miss writing. So so much, I must say. But that up there was placed there, just to let me remember that prior to this, my last article was written in May. I feel so bad. So much life experience has gone to waste in the four months between. Absolutely unforgivable dear. That's not why I'm writing anyway. Today was really great. Great, because multiple little good things have happened to me within the past twelve hours. I feel really good. In my usual organized manner, I will list them out, one after the other. Iyfee's wedding The only high-society wedding I have ever been invited to. Bouncers, IV, gift bag, buffet, state governors and oil and gas business moguls. You just name it and it was there. I am so glad I did not miss this for the hackathon I flaked out of yesterday. The bride happens to be one of the few persons I happened to really connect to at my last place of work. She was also looking super beautiful beside her good looking man. Yes, and there was t...

I lied. I lied because I knew that was the only way mum and I were going to be able to go to bed at peace tonight. She could see the happiness in my eyes, in my movements, in my actions. "You're excited tonight, I can see. Tell me, why are you so excited?", mum asked. A hint of sadness appeared in the cloud of excitement in my heart. The tides had turned for me in such an unexpected way tonight. I had glimpsed this topless picture of Ifeanyi earlier in the day and got a chance to take it all in proper this evening. OMG! That guy is so hot, he reminds me of why it took me so many weeks to get over my infatuation with him in January. His lips, his chest. I just want to lay on his chest all day long with my lips sleeping within his. Of course, fantasies like this and the tinge of hope that I could have them realized are what pushed to me to send him an IM, which ended up getting me into my euphoric state.

Today, I was thinking about how much I've missed my apartment at Yaba. If there's one thing that kept me at my old job as long as I stayed, it has to be this apartment. The independence, the privacy; two things that are of high value to the introvert and homosexual in me. Specifically, I was pondering on how my condition could have become so much more interesting if I was still at Yaba. I met Wilson on Grindr last weekend, a day before I deleted Grindr from my phone. He travels from Ipaja to UNILAG (Yaba) almost every week day for lectures. And why? He does not have an on-campus accommodation. Sad, for the cute lad that he is. So, I was thinking while in the shower: If I still had my Yaba room, I would have offered Wilson some sleeping a living space in my room. In effect, having a cute teddy-bear to kiss and hold before going to bed every night. Unfortunately, in my pig-headed wantrepreneur state, I quit my job and inevitably, forfeited my space. Meaning, my fantasies of h...

I am alone. And not just alone, but also really lonely. You ask me how I'm so sure of this? Okay, let me narrate to you my experience this evening. If I were a regular person a.k.a your average Joe, I'd be fuming right now, due to the ill treatment I received from someone I kinda like. I know I am lonely, because I'm quick to give anyone I have the hots for, a chance to hurt me. Out of the blues, he called me and suggested that we meet up in the area. This was really exciting, you know, having not seen him in weeks. You need to see how my mood was lifted in an instant, just at the prospect of getting to see him again. I arrive at UNILAG, all anticipatory, a little surprised that he was not there yet, considering that he'd called to say he was close about 20 minutes ago. Anyway, I went in and hung around for a few minutes before calling him. There was no answer, so I guessed he was in a noisy place. I walked around and after a few more minutes, settled at the UBA par...

Brief background: I like guy. Guy has not exactly been receptive or encouraging of my advances. More precisely, he's done something I take to be him giving me the cold shoulder. My instinctual reaction is to detach totally from him; to return the cold shoulder till he contacts me again first. Till date, I've not heard from him. It really hurts, mostly because I thought the feelings were mutual at some point. Also, because he didn't even go through the trouble to explicitly state his lack of interest. He simply just went mute, and this is someone with whom I've really connected - clearly, I see how this was all just in my head all along. Friday saw me being at the verge of sending one of the following at different times of the day: "I'm really shocked at your conduct" . Pretending to be oblivious of the bad conduct on his side and just finding an excuse to see him on a casual note: "When are you going to Oshodi, let's go buy some books toge...

Hey Poet, How are you doing? It's been a while since I heard from you. Two days, but it seems longer than that. Well, it should be no news by now that I like you. I like you in a way that makes me imagine that we can make something meaningful together, out of encountering each other. I might not have said this directly, this might be a mistake on my part, but I feel like I've said it many times in my attempts at getting to see you again soon. I'm truly hurt that you've not responded to my sleepover invitation all week, despite promising to let me know by Wednesday. It was even more painful to try to get to you on Thursday, unsuccessfully, and to see that you made no attempt to reciprocate. I'm not blaming you for anything, as really, you owe me no obligations. I had dreamed up a near future where you were with me, and I with you. Where you're one of the most important things to me, and I, to you. My dreams, well, they're now being gently lai...

Since the start of the week, I've been looking forward to the coming weekend. From the picture of it that I've got painted in my mind, it would seem like the first weekend of the rest of my life. I'm expecting a beautiful young man whose physical beauty and rare personality has all but captured my heart. He gave me the most wonderful companionship I've had in a long time last Friday. So good it was, that all week, I've not been able to stop daydreaming about how good I felt, just being with him. Little surprise I invited him over (quite shadily though) to spend this weekend with me. When someone makes you feel that good, you don't ever want to let them leave your side. My intentions for this meeting are as follows:

All day long, I've been daydreaming back to yesterday. Just yesterday, but it feels so distant. Do I not deserve to have the happiness of being with you for more than a few hours? To make love to you all night, and when we can go no more, fall asleep at peace in your strong arms. Is it something I might have done in my past life, that makes me undeserving of the bliss of staring into your beautiful face for days on end? Or is it some wrong act of mine in this lifetime that makes it a distant dream to wake up beside you all of my days? If it's something I've done, I hope the guardians of the universal currents are at attention to receive my soulful prayers. Dear guardians, it would seem like I have come upon the one, as it is written. I pray you, that by the mighty powers that the universe has bestowed upon you, my sins be forgiven. Have mercy, dear guardians, for I cannot bear to wait for the next lifetime to be the source of the glow in his eyes. I want to be free to...