No fap - Day 15
Hello.
I know no one is there but I still don't mind. It just feels great to take this writing time out to acknowledge how long ago it was since I last watched a pornographic video or masturbated. It's only six days to go before I hit the 21 day threshold which is said to be the point when a new habit really starts to take hold.
I would become much more confident and love myself even more if I get to that point, honestly. I lack faith in my ability to commit to something and actually follow through without any external pressure. So, being successful at this commitment is much more important to me than you can probably imagine.
I got really aroused at some point today when I was on my bed. So aroused was I that it felt like merely moving my waist up and down while lying down, such that my erect penis was rubbing back and forth against my thighs was enough to make me orgasm in a few minutes. I will admit I kept at it for a few seconds because it felt good, but then after a few seconds, it got pretty boring, so much so I just stopped and moved on to the next activity. What if I had cum that way? Would that have been analogous to fapping? I think I would give myself the liberty to get some release that way if I can actually achieve it. Of course, I won't be watching porn. Thinking again, I think giving myself such a liberty might not be so wise. Relapse into my old ways usually starts with little excuses like telling myself I would only read erotic literature to entertain myself. But then at some point, that's not enough and I just cannot wait to get the complete erotica package. Experience is a very good thing!
Come to think about it though. How long could I possibly go without sex or masturbation? Funny thing is for the past week or so, I have been pretty much uninterested in actually getting laid with anyone. Remember my reports of having no libido in the past few days? Today's hard-on was like the first I've had in the past three days.
Well. I just feel like I've reached a point where I'm deeply convicted that jerking off to porn is something that will do me more harm that good on a spiritual level. Hopefully, the conviction is as deep as I think it is. But I think this way because in the past week, it has not been difficult at all to banish any temptations to fap.
I will let you know the latest update on this exercise before another three days have elapsed.
Stay tuned for this epic journey of self deprivation/discipline!
I know no one is there but I still don't mind. It just feels great to take this writing time out to acknowledge how long ago it was since I last watched a pornographic video or masturbated. It's only six days to go before I hit the 21 day threshold which is said to be the point when a new habit really starts to take hold.
I would become much more confident and love myself even more if I get to that point, honestly. I lack faith in my ability to commit to something and actually follow through without any external pressure. So, being successful at this commitment is much more important to me than you can probably imagine.
I got really aroused at some point today when I was on my bed. So aroused was I that it felt like merely moving my waist up and down while lying down, such that my erect penis was rubbing back and forth against my thighs was enough to make me orgasm in a few minutes. I will admit I kept at it for a few seconds because it felt good, but then after a few seconds, it got pretty boring, so much so I just stopped and moved on to the next activity. What if I had cum that way? Would that have been analogous to fapping? I think I would give myself the liberty to get some release that way if I can actually achieve it. Of course, I won't be watching porn. Thinking again, I think giving myself such a liberty might not be so wise. Relapse into my old ways usually starts with little excuses like telling myself I would only read erotic literature to entertain myself. But then at some point, that's not enough and I just cannot wait to get the complete erotica package. Experience is a very good thing!
Come to think about it though. How long could I possibly go without sex or masturbation? Funny thing is for the past week or so, I have been pretty much uninterested in actually getting laid with anyone. Remember my reports of having no libido in the past few days? Today's hard-on was like the first I've had in the past three days.
Well. I just feel like I've reached a point where I'm deeply convicted that jerking off to porn is something that will do me more harm that good on a spiritual level. Hopefully, the conviction is as deep as I think it is. But I think this way because in the past week, it has not been difficult at all to banish any temptations to fap.
I will let you know the latest update on this exercise before another three days have elapsed.
Stay tuned for this epic journey of self deprivation/discipline!
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Hey. Thanks for reading. Here's a space to tell me absolutely whatever you want to, especially if it's connected to your reading this article. Writing is hard and knowing that someone out there connects with what I write goes a long way to encourage future writing.